friend therapy: what it is and why you need it
disclaimer: friend therapy does not replace therapy with a licensed professional but it's pretty helpful
The first time I experienced friend therapy was when I was nine years old. I was gaming late into the night with a friend of mine. Intermittent to rounds of Halo, the deep questions started rolling in. We contemplated the meaning of life, what we dreamt about doing with our lives, and the value of friendships.
I woke up the next morning with this profound sense of fulfillment. I felt satiated and known. I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but what I had just experienced was friend therapy.
Throughout my life I’ve come to know these moments as friend therapy: spontaneous or scheduled moments where I get to openly share what I long for, struggle with, or what I’m excited about. Laughter is often a huge part of this experience. Silence is too.
I don’t know about you but life has only gotten harder and harder for me. Friendships have become more complex, my body physically and emotionally aches more often, and, oh yeah, inflation. Living is expensive. Smh.
This is why friend therapy has been pivotal for me. I’ve had timely conversations with friends that helped me through dark and difficult moments. In these moments we need people who will care for us, specifically ask thoughtful questions, listen, and laugh with us.
Safe to say, I think everyone could use friend therapy. Here are a few ways it’s been helpful for me and how it can help you:
Friend therapy gets you through the dark place
The dark place is any string of negative experiences. You might hate your job and and therefore see no light at the end of the tunnel. You might be going through a break up and experiencing a sense of loss.
For me the dark place was a combination of conflict, fatigue, and home sickness.
Instead of going straight to college, I took three years to travel and work for a non-profit missions organization. I traveled to Russia, Uganda, and South Africa for three months each. I went to each country with a different group of 8-12 people doing different types of humanitarian work, anything from volunteering at malaria clinics to working in after school programs.
Volunteering and living in groups for three months at a time in a foreign country introduced conflict with others, fatigue, and home sickness. At times I found myself experiencing a sense of loss, hopelessness, and discouragement.
As I dwelled in the dark place, friend therapy is what sprung me out. In these moments I would call up a friend and we would just talk. Catch up. I would share about what I was struggling with and hoping for and he would listen and ask follow up questions. These conversations helped me get through the challenging moments of volunteering and traveling overseas. I realized I wasn’t alone, felt affirmed in my experiences, and felt encouraged to keep moving forward.
Friend therapy reminds us who we are
Life sometimes causes you to doubt yourself. These doubts can impact your confidence to succeed in the workplace or make you question whether you’re good enough for certain friendships or romantic relationships.
For me I experienced doubt with succeeding in my career.
Early on in my career I had the opportunity to intern at Meta. I dealt with tons of imposter syndrome and constantly felt unworthy of being there. After the first week I didn’t want to be there because I didn’t think I deserved the opportunity. I called a few of my friends who were more established in their careers and they just listened. They asked great follow up questions and encouraged me, both personally and professionally. They talked me off the ledge and told me to push through the imposter syndrome. I don’t think I would have made it through the summer had it not been for these good friends.
Final Thoughts
Friend therapy gets you through the dark place and reminds you who you are, among many other things.
Looking back I would say friend therapy has helped me grow and kept me sane. I don’t know how I would have persevered through the tough moments in life without people who were willing to listen, ask thoughtful questions, and encourage me. Moreover, I didn’t feel so alone as I faced life’s challenges. I felt as if someone was walking beside me, coaching me through those difficult moments.
Chances are you have these same types of friends who are more than willing to listen to you and sit with you as you go through life. You have people that want to journey through life and experience your victories and struggles as you experience them. If you haven’t already, tap into these friends. Your friends need friend therapy as much as you do. After all, they’re human too.
Following up on our wine hang with Angeleno Wine Co…an interview with Amy, their co-founder!
Thanks to everyone who came out to our event at Angeleno Wine Co a few weeks ago! Angeleno is one of our favorite spots for the friendly service and amazing wines, so we decided to double back and chat with them. Please enjoy this interview and shoot them a follow @angelenowine and don’t forget to DM them with a recommendation for a Japanese restaurant…
Do you want to introduce yourself?
I’m Amy Luftig. I am one of the two owners here at Angeleno Wine Company. My partner Jasper is the other half - better or not, I don’t know. We both make the wines here. We have a small little crew, who you’ve met: Xochi and Rachel. I’ve lived in LA for almost 20 years. Native to Ohio.
You’ve talked a lot about the history of wine in Los Angeles. I don’t think a lot of people know much about that history. Is there anything you want to say about that?
Yeah! The history of [LA] winemaking is something that is as inspiring as the actual winemaking itself. When we first started out, we really dug into it, there’s some really great books. City of Vines is a great one. But what we learned is, they weren’t just making wine here. They were making industrial levels of wine that were being imported to San Francisico, New York, Chicago, and even Europe out of LA. In our heyday, which was the 1850s-1890s, here in LA city, we were a city of 4,000 people making 25 million bottles of wine every year.
What??
Yes! Back then, when people would see California wine on a label, they knew it came from LA. Long before Napa and Sonoma. The grapes were literally grown where we’re sitting, which still gives me chills. We learned that these three streets that surround our winery - Wilhardt Street, Naud Street, and Mesnager Street, were the last names of winemakers here. Their vineyards were here. It was so proximate to the LA river. They would use the LA river for irrigation. Like literally where we’re drinking wine right now used to be vineyards. It was a really incredible wine scene for a long, long time. Two major railroads connected California to the rest of the country. So, you know, late 1800s early 1900s, more people moved out here. Right around that time, the vines that were growing here were starting to die. It was happening all over LA, all over Anaheim, all over Pasadena. Somebody from the government comes out here, tries to figure out what’s killing all these vines. He can’t figure it out. But, unfortunately, the disease gets called “Pierce’s Disease” after the federal bureaucrat that couldn’t figure it out. To this day, it’s called Pierce’s Disease. We know more about it now. It’s a [bacteria] that kills the plant that’s transmitted it. When your vines are infected, you have to rip up your plants and start over. So right around this time, all these people were coming. So LA had a choice to make. Are we going to build roads and houses and buildings for all these people? Or are we going to plant new vines that might be viable in five years? So they bulldozed over all the vineyards.
You’re one of only 2 wineries in LA? Is that right?
We are one of two wineries in downtown LA - San Antonio being the other one. But we’re the only one in DTLA making wine from LA fruit. So, San Antonio, really important historically and a much, much bigger winery. They’re using fruit from Napa and pass Robles. So we’re the only ones using LA fruit for our wines.
How does that history of LA connect to what you’re doing here now?
I think it’s integrated into everything we do. When we go through tasting flights, it’s part of it. There’s this really important part of LA history that no one seems to know. More than that, if you think about it, this climate is perfect for growing grapes. We put a lot of thought and intention into our craft because we really want to show that you can make great wine in LA county.
How did you guys learn to make wine and how would you describe your winemaking style?
Well, we’ve gotten away from [the term] natural wines because it’s ill-defined and misunderstood. But, by most people’s parameters, we’re making natural wines. We would call it low, minimal intervention wines. We pick our own fruit. We go to the vineyards and pick our own grapes. We do that because we actually sort through the grapes in the vineyard. A lot of high end wineries have machines where they pick the grapes. We don’t have that. We do all our own picking. If there’s any fruit that has rot on it, we toss it. Once we bring it into the winery, we do low intervention wines, allowing the fruit to showcase itself. There are all different styles of wines. A lot of wines - mass produced, high volume wines are made with a lot of additives, like color, oak chips, enzymes, and animal products to clarify the wine. We don’t do any of that. We use minimal amounts of sulfur to keep the wine safe. Other than that, we don’t add anything to our wines. We let the wines do their own thing. We don’t even add yeast. We just let the yeast from the air and the instruments and the grapes itself start fermentation. We bottle it ourselves, age it here ourselves, it all happens here by hand.
Yeah, I feel like you can really taste the grapes distinctly in your wines.
If you’re going to taste what LA wines can be, let them sing for themselves! If you don’t like a wine, that’s totally fine. But they’re all, in my opinion, well made. You can choose which varietals you like and enjoy that discovery. It showcases what LA wines can be.
Do you have any recommendations for someone who wants to learn more about wine?
So, I started at UCLA’s evening program on wine. I drove down there once a week. You try a ton of wines, really fun. I did that first course thinking I would just do one and I ended up finishing the whole two year program. And it’s all after hours. After that, I really wanted to get more into like, the wines of Italy, the regions of France. There’s a great online program called CSW. It’s really low pressure. At the end of it, you can take a test and become a Certified Specialist of Wine. It’s a good way to get instruction.
In the spirit of LA In Common, are there any other local businesses in the area that you would recommend?
Silver Lake Wine is one I would mention. So many people have gotten into wines from them. They’ve got great customer service. They take the time to help people understand what they’re buying. It’s also how Jasper and I met! Has a soft spot in my heart. I’m also on the search for a really good low budget Japanese spot, so maybe I’ll throw that out to your readers. Has to be not expensive. So ask your readers. Tell them to message us on Instagram. We’re @angelenowine - where can we find good Japanese food?
They can just send you a message cold?
Yes, but it needs to be something quick and cheap. We’re willing to travel for it. After we get done at work at 8 o’clock, we’re tired and we just want something quick.
How can someone get to know your business?
Come visit! Come to the tasting room. The staff here is very welcoming to people of all knowledge levels. Come and talk to us and tell us what you want to try!