If I had to start all over with finding community in LA, here's what I would do (pt. 1)
If I only knew back then what I knew now
This is going to be a really fun reflective exercise. Probably full of fallacies and anecdotal evidence. But who gives af? We’re here for it and that’s why you’re reading.
I’ve been in LA for five years now and, safe to say, I’ve experienced a ton of different relationships and communities. I feel as if I’ve experienced the full spectrum of the people and relationships you might find in LA.
If I were moving to LA, knowing what I know now, the following areas would be on my mind:
Community, specifically a larger group of people and a smaller, intimate group of friends
The relationship and balance between work and hobbies
Where I see my life headed and creating opportunities for pivots and change
First Focus Area: Community
Let’s break this down into two sub-areas:
A larger group of people
Surprisingly, I would say this one is tougher to find in LA because they don’t naturally exist. The only spaces that allow you to seamlessly plug into a larger group are gyms, social clubs, run clubs, and maybe churches. But I think you have to start here if you want a good chance at making a handful of friends.
I experienced both the benefits and consequences of having a larger group to plug into. When I first moved to LA I essentially plugged into a 25 person friend group, courtesy of my good friend from high school. He went to UCLA and made a ton of friends. So when I finally arrived to LA, I had the privilege of getting invited to events and meeting a group of vetted people.
I can say this experience of plugging into a larger group was tremendously helpful when I compare it to the experience of moving to the east side. Last year I moved to Echo Park away from many of those friends, which felt like I was moving to an entirely new city. Without the large friend group to go back to, making friends was painstakingly methodical. I would try to make friends one at a time. And this didn’t really cut it for me. Sure, one-off dinners were great but I still felt just as isolated and alone. There wasn’t a regular touch point with a large group of people.
So if I were to move to LA all over again, I would prioritize finding a large group of people to plug into and find smaller groups of friends through that. Which brings us to…
A smaller, intimate group of friends
You can have a larger group to belong to. But if you’re not hanging out with people on a more intimate basis, you might feel the consequences. I would try to find a smaller group of friends christened by a group chat, semi-regular touch points, and spontaneous hang outs.
The easiest way to do this is by doing something you enjoy. Find an activity or hobby that comes natural to you and do almost mindlessly. For me, this was wine. I met a small group of friends through a winery and we just kept seeing each other. Eventually, we planned times to taste wine together and hang out. You can apply this approach to virtually anything: a workout class, pottery, hiking, you name it.
Another way you could go about this is by becoming a regular at a business. Find a restaurant or store that you genuinely like and get to know the people behind the counter. As you visit and patron that business, the owners, managers, and workers will introduce you to other regulars. Stick around long enough and you’ll start meeting other regulars and hanging out with them.
That’s all for now. We’ll hit the second and third focus areas in the next couple articles!
Second Focus Area: Your relationship and balance between work and hobbies
Third Focus Area: Where I see my life headed and creating opportunities for pivots and change
Looking forward to attending one of your events next year.